Kuwentong Pamamahay

Transcript in progress

Jocelle Refol: I’m just wondering if you could just tell me a little about a little bit about you and your background, such as where you grew up, and what it was like being Filipino in your community. So however you want to approach the question.

Hannah Balba: Okay. Well, firstly, I was born in the Philippines. I was born in Manila. And both my parents are also Filipino. But in 2001, they decided to move to Canada, specifically Richmond BC as we had some connections in the city. So yeah, I lived in Richmond, basically all my life. I moved there in 2001, we moved to a very working class neighborhood called colonial drive. And that’s a part of I think, like Seafair West Richmond area, that is, historically, there’s a lot of working class, new immigrants that settle in that neighborhood, because it’s a more affordable part of Richmond. So, yeah, growing up in Richmond was interesting, because I think, in the neighborhood that I lived in, there were actually a lot of Filipinos, because a lot of them are also newcomers, like our family. So I grew up with a lot of Filipinos in that sense, I think there was about maybe like, like, nine or 10 Filipino families that I grew up with. And I’m still friends with them, a lot of them to this day. And so, I think, because, you know, we all grew up together, all of our parents kind of took care of each other, took care of us. I think like being Filipino in Richmond, like in that setting, I never really kind of felt isolated, just because I was I was around a lot of Filipinos all the time. But it wasn’t until you know, because I think Colonial Drive is a very, it’s a stepping stone for a lot of, for a lot of people, for a lot of newcomers. Because eventually, we all moved out of that neighborhood into different parts of Richmond. So I don’t see, you know, those families, those Filipino families as much, but we’re still very much close. And we’re still very much friends. But I think when I moved out of that neighborhood, that was kind of when I started to feel … that’s when I started to feel a little bit different. So yeah, I grew up. So I went to elementary school around the Colonial Drive air area, and then I moved to high school. I went to Richmond High, and that is in like Central Richmond. And the demographics in central Richmond a lot more different. It’s a lot more East Asian. So I grew up with a lot of a lot of my friends are Chinese or from Hong Kong. And I definitely kind of, like, started to so I didn’t know what like stereotypes were about Filipinos until until I went to high school. And that that’s kind of when I started to figure out okay, what people what other non Filipinos thought about Filipinos? So a lot of my friends were great, you know, but I did get the sense that like, you know, some of them would talk about Oh, yeah. Like, I had a Filipino nanny growing up, like when I was when I was. Yeah, when I was like living back and especially if they’re from Hong Kong. That seems to be like a pretty, very common experience. And so I’m like, yeah, so some of my classmates would be like that, like I had a Filipino nanny growing up. I’m like, oh, that’s the first thing that you could say when you meet a Filipino. Like, it was just very, it was just, you know, there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it was just kind of like, Oh, okay. And then that’s kind of when I really found out about the or I learned about the, the prevalence of Filipinos in caregiving. So there was that and then when I grew up in high school, and when I went to Richmond High, it was, there was not a lot of Filipinos. There was not a lot of Filipinos in that school. And Richmond High also had something called an IB program. And so like I was also enrolled into that program as well. And I think I was only like one of two Filipinos in the school that that was in that program. And so the IB program is like this. How do I explain it? I was a little bit traumatized by that program, to be honest. Yeah, so I was in the Diploma Program, which is a, it’s a two year like full time kind of standardized program. And basically what you would, the IB program that you’d be taking in Canada would be the same as like somebody taking the IB program in like Geneva, Switzerland, like it’s supposed to be standardized, as to kind of help help students gain like, an advantage, like getting admitted into universities. So I also thought I’m like, why am I like one of the only few Filipinos in this program? And so I didn’t really like, make I didn’t really think about it. And I’ll, I’ll add to kind of that curiosity, I guess, you know, when I start talking about my community work with, like, Filipino students. Um, so yeah, that was weird. I did start to feel like really isolated, I think when I was in that program, especially in my last couple of years of high school, and I remember, I always like talking about this memory to people, because I just think it’s just so hilarious. Yeah, I think that’s when I really started started to feel like racially that I was. There was a lot of assumptions that were being made of Filipinos. So for example, I have, I had just like one English teacher who on the last day of school, like he knew, like, I wanted to go to law school, he knew I had a lot of ambitions. And then on my last day of high school, like he signed my yearbook, and then he closes because it goes, Hannah, I know, this is something that you might not want to hear. But I can’t imagine you outside of occupations that don’t involve caring for people.

JR: Oh, my. A teacher said that to you?

HB: Like I said, I was just so weird that I did not have the language. I did not have the tools. I did not I was young. Yeah. But I felt singled out. And I felt like you would never have said that said this to any of the other students. Like I see how he talks to other students, or how he talks about other students, how he praises other students how he felt like when it came to me, you know, my teachers always. My teachers always called me, oh, she’s like a very nice student. She’s respectful, she’s friendly. She cares about her peers, but nobody has ever called me smart. Nobody’s ever called me intelligent. Nobody has ever, like, I was hard working, but it was not smart. And so I think I really internalized that growing up. You know, and also, like, my parents didn’t really understand what I was going through either because, you know, they, they work like, like my, I mean, my dad worked like two to three jobs growing up. I remember, he would take graveyard shifts, during, like, in Home Depot so that he could take care of me during the day because we couldn’t afford childcare. Yeah, there’s that right. And then my mom, too, you know, she, she was also working really hard. And so I didn’t really have like, I didn’t know how to talk about feeling isolated at school. Because, you know, I don’t want to be a burden to my parents, because they were already working so hard. And so like, I saw how they were disempowered in their own lives. But I couldn’t even articulate how I felt disempowered at school. And so a lot of it came down to like, figuring out how to navigate the education system myself. And so like, that was also another thing is that, like, I felt like I was an educated elite in my mind, in my community, but then I still felt like I was, like, a minority within the greater whole. And so that was really weird growing up as Filipino is that like, okay, like, I’m in this institution that’s supposed to be you know, like, that’s supposed to help me but I don’t feel I don’t feel that way going in. Like I felt so isolated. And so by the this after, after graduating high school, luckily, I got into UBC and my first year was rough. I think I was so like, I was so tired and burnt out after IB that I did not do well in my first year. Yeah. But I don’t know if there are other questions that I answered.

JR: Thank you. Thank you for sharing like your personal experiences like especially with the English teacher like that’s a very vulnerable to being to share. Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that and feeling comfortable too. I do just want to double check if that’s okay in the video, or if that’s something that you want to omit, or you want to keep for sure, I just want t double check.

HB: It’s okay. I think it’s an it’s an important kind of like, for me, I want for people to know about my experience because I’m sure like other Filipino kids have had that kind of, like, I felt like that was a targeted comment, Like I’d have. It’s like, really like, I, you wouldn’t have said that to any other student. But you said that to me. And for some reason you thought you were doing me a favor by saying that. So anyway, I just think it’s funny looking back at it, but like, so yeah, I guess that’s like, kind of a brief. Not so brief. Overview of my experience and you know, growing up. And yeah, so like, still living in Richmond. But yeah, I guess we can move on to the to the next question.

JR: I did want to follow up though. There was, thank you this, like, this was a great to hear like, just like as like, as your friend as well. It’s like hearing a little bit about like your personal story. I really appreciate listening to it. But I want to go back to like this whole like theme of how, when you moved from the Philippines, and it was so beautiful, that you were able to also like, settle in the community with lots of other Filipinos as well. And you really emphasize how, when you initially like settled in Canada, and you grew up with lots of like, 9 or 10, like Filipino families and like growing up in that community, and then having moved to a different location in Richmond, really feeling that shift and going from lots of Filipinos to not so much. And I really think that was like just a recurring theme, like in your answer and like emphasizing how, you know, like, when you had like working class parents, like, that’s a very specific experience, and like, not being able to share what your experience was at school with your parents. And so I just want to, you know, like, kind of, like, follow up, like, dig deeper, a little bit into that about what like that specific transition from being surrounded, like, with community to, you know, not having necessarily like that much when you move like, is there anything else like, that you want to, like, share about that? Or like, just because I feel like that specific theme about, you know, going from lots of Filipinos not as much is a really big part about your specific story in Richmond.

HB: Okay. Yeah, I think it just, I think, I think, I don’t know, like, when, when I was with, you know, when I was living with a lot of Filipinos, I I felt like, I didn’t have to question myself so much. I didn’t have to question my worth, I didn’t have to question my identity, because they just accepted me. Right? I didn’t have to prove anything. But then when I moved, yeah, but then when I, you know, moved to what we wanted, we all moved away. And when I because I think when I when we moved away, it was like, a very critical time in my life, like I was a teenager, right? I went from, you know, growing up with my childhood friends, and like, staying, and living with them and seeing them every day, to going into high school, and then not having them anymore. Like, it was a very you know, and it was a very, it was very jarring experience, to say the least, because we were all we were you know, like we could see each other every day. And we were also able to kind of commiserate on like, on like, on, you know, like how we did at school and then like, and just like having that support like that consistency. I think that having it having that consistency, you know, and not having and then not having that consistency anymore. Just really I think was really affected me a lot. And I don’t know, it’s like, I don’t know, is it like, just because we were Filipino that I was? I can’t really explain like, how, what really made us feel connected. And like what really helped me being with Filipinos, but I guess I don’t know, maybe there’s just something about? Like, yeah, when you identify with somebody, I just you feel like you don’t like that person just accepts you like they don’t. They don’t seek anything from you. You don’t have to prove yourself. You don’t have to justify yourself. They just accept you. Yeah, and I think maybe, I don’t know if we all had like a unifying, you know, definition of what being Filipino meant. But like all I had to say was like, oh, yeah, I’m Filipino too and then they just accept me. Yeah.

JR: Especially coming from the Philippines you’re still able to still have a piece of home.

HB: Exactly. And then was like that experience you’d like that newcomer experience of, for example, like, I feel like oh, my mom won’t let me wear shorts. Like yeah, things to relate with. And it was like, Yeah, I know. It’s like, it’s just like, I don’t know, like Filipino parents are just so this and like, Yeah, I know. Yeah, you get it right. And then like if I, if I go to little things like that they go to school, and then you’re like, oh, yeah, like, my parents won’t let me wear shorts. They’re like, why like Non-Filipinos wouldn’t understad it like, why why won’t they let you like wear shorts? Yeah, but you just don’t get it, just things like you don’t have to explain to people, right. And I think that’s what made me feel really like sure of myself that like, oh, there’s people who understand me. I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to, like, do anything. I just say it. And then I just tell my experience. And then you know, all of these other Filipinos get it? Right? Yeah. Yeah, and so even just kind of like, I know, this was kind of like, oh, like, lunchbox moment. But like, even just little things, just like bringing rice to school, bringing an ulam to school, things like that. I think growing up, like, my friends just got it. And so I think when I was when we all moved away from each other, and you know, when I did undergo that shift, it was really hard for me because it just like, I slowly started to feel kind of misunderstood. And like, you know, because there were not also there were not many Filipinos in my high school, either it just like, and my parents didn’t really understand me either. It made it you know, it made the navigation process like harder. I don’t know if that answers your question.

JR: Oh, no, yeah, I just wanted to, like hold space to just see what you want to share specifically on like, what it was like growing up with Filipinos because it sounds like a very critical part in your life. And so then you also mentioned like, you know, feeling isolated in high school being like one of two Filipinos, potentially in the IB program, and then like being singled out by your teacher, and then going to UBC and you feeling burnt out, how did you did you try to like, create, like, once you went to UBC, like leaving that environment, you try to like create like, or find other like Filipinos to kind of like replicate that feeling that you had when, you know, when you were growing up surrounded by, you know, Filipinos as a kid like with your childhood friends?

HB: That’s a really good question. I did not because I didn’t know how to. I think it’s just because, you know, when I when we came here, I was it was already there. Like the community was already there when I came here. And so I didn’t really have like, I didn’t really have the skills to know how to cultivate and like find my community it’s funny because like I was in first year, I was like going out with this guy and like, and and so like, you know when you’re 18 your boyfriend is your community. So I was like yeah, I was just like all about my boyfriend. That’s why I think that’s one of one of the reasons why I didn’t do well in school either. And yeah, so I didn’t really you know, try to cultivate community I mean, it was that but also just like I just didn’t really know how to. And, so like I didn’t really do well in school in the first year just because like, it was also such a big transition from even if I was in IB, like it was a really big chance to just transition from like, high school to university.

JR: We can take a break time to like think oh, yeah, that’s totally fine. Yeah. Okay.

HB: I think this is a good good break.

JR: But yeah, going back to you know, your experience at Richmond High and you know, most of your friends kind of being like East Asian or just in general or not a lot of Filipinos in your community. You talked about how you didn’t really know about Filipino stereotypes until you kind of got into like that place, and hearing things related to like, oh, yeah, I had a Filipino nanny. Can you talk a little bit more about like, that experience of learning about Filipino stereotypes when you were already surrounded by so many Filipinos growing up, and not having a chance to like, learn how other perceives how other people might perceive for Filipinos when you were younger?

HB: Okay. Sorry, can you repeat?

JR: Oh, yeah, sorry. Basically, like, you talked about how you learned Filipino stereotypes for the first time in high school? Can you speak a little bit a bit more to that and how that might have affected your experience of like, finding yourself?

HB: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think you know, that one comment made by my English teacher about, like, not imagining me in occupations that don’t involve caring, caring for people. Like, he must have gotten that from somewhere, like, like, what, like, where did you get that from? Right? So I sat with that question, actually, like, for a long time, like, I never forgot what he said about me, or like what he said to me, because like, I knew that it was, again, it wasn’t something that he would say to anybody else. So when I went into my first year, again, I didn’t really cultivate community. And also, it just like, I just felt really overwhelmed being at UBC. And just like, I think I was, I just felt very unmotivated to go to school, just because there was another thing too, is that that was also a critical part of my life where I was starting this new program, you know, I had to commute to a different city every day. And, and then I was like, taking a degree that, like, my family really did not understand. I have a BA in history. So that’s just like, the so that’s another thing too, is that, you know, I, like I was doing something that wasn’t legible to my parents, right. And so that kind of added to that isolation, too. And, again, there were not there were no Filipinos in my program. Like in the history program. It was just, I really felt like I was the only one like, during the time. And but it wasn’t until, you know, my second year so like, me and my boyfriend broke up and like second year, okay, so that’s important to the story. So before second year, me and like, like, my boyfriend broke up, and I was like, I was feeling super sad. And I was like, what am I going to do and so my sister actually, she used to be the director of this group called the Kababayan Academic Mentorship program. And then, the day that my boyfriend and I broke up, my sister was like, why don’t you go to the so the Kababayan Academic Mentorship program? The acronym is KAMP, so I’ll just refer to it as camp just to make it easier. So KAMP, we, she’s like, why, okay, like, I know, you’re super heartbroken. But like, why don’t you go to the summer camp retreat that’s happening tomorrow. And then literally, like the day, me and my ex broke up, I was like, Okay, fine. Okay, I’ll go. So then the couple by an Kababayan Academic Mentorship program or KAMP, it’s a community led program that connects like Filipino university students to Filipino newly arrived Filipino youth in Vancouver, high schools that have a higher concentration of newly arrived Filipino youth. Okay, so what we did were we held academic, like, support sessions, like after school sessions, helping students Filipino students with their homework, teaching them how to make resumes, helping them with applying for post secondary. So all of this was in service to the goal of increasing Filipino student enrollment in post secondary education. Because so going back to Filipino stereotypes, so I was thinking about how, you know, I was like, growing up, growing up and like doing IB and like being one of the only few Filipino students in the school. I thought to myself like, why like, why is that? Like, why is it that, you know, and then going into university and thinking, okay, there’s like no other Filipinos in my program. Why is that? And I was really able to situate my own experiences within, you know, the experiences of my KAMP mentees. So a lot of our mentees experience family separation as a result of immigration streams, like the caregiver program. So formerly, it’s called the LCP. So that’s the Live in Caregiver Program. And the conditions of the LCP are that, you know, you you have to work for two years, just to be eligible for PR, but you can’t bring your family over. So what we see is that there’s a lot of Filipino caregivers, a lot of them are women who come to Canada alone, they leave the families in the Philippines, work here as caregivers, but it takes them so long to get PR. So they have these families in the Philippines. And by the time that they can get PR and are reunited. They’ve been separated from their children for 5,10,15 years. When I was a KAMP mentor, I had a, you know, I had a I was talking to this mother, who said, like, can you like, please help him? You know, like, can you please like, help me get close to him? I don’t know him anymore. I haven’t seen him for 11 years, like she was talking about her son. So I was talking about her son and how like, and she’s like yeah, like, I just don’t know him anymore. Like, I’m, I’m, I can’t relate to him. You know, I don’t understand him. I haven’t seen him for 11 years like, and that was like a very common kind of experience that we saw. And so KAMP was made to help, you know, address that need in the Filipino community. And so yeah, and so in terms of like, Filipino stereotypes, you know, like, and upon reading, like the discourse, and there’s, because of, you know, that family separation, a lot of Filipino kids are also not motivated to go to school, just because there’s a lot of issues happening at home, their parents also can’t be like, the parents also, it’s hard for the parents to be advocates of their education, because they’re also disempowered by their working lives. You know, a lot of these immigration streams that Filipinos immigrate through, situate them into low wage work. And then, so basically, what I’m trying to say is that a lot of these Filipino families are just on survival mode. And when you’re on survival mode, it makes it very difficult for you to, you know, think about any like to prioritize other things, like education, and also a lot of Filipino kids, you know, they finish high school at the Philippines. So they come here, and then they and then the school board tells them you have to go back to grade 10. But they’re already college level in the Philippines. And then they so they started going to school here and they say, okay, well, I already learned all of it. So that also, you know, demotivates them from, from doing well and excelling is because, you know, they’ve already done all of this work in the Philippines. So what happens is we see a lot of, I think, like, in 2012, I don’t know how updated this information as we need more race based data, updated research. I think like Filipino kids had like one of the highest, like high school dropout rates, which is really like ironic, because they come from, you know, they come from an immigrant group that has, that usually has a high, what’s it called percentage of college graduates? So a lot of them are their parents are college graduates. And when they come here, they have a really hard time, you know, No, I shouldn’t put the onus on them, because the education system has failed them. And so, you know, like, they’re failed, they’re neglected by the education system. And so that makes it really difficult for them to enter higher education. And, you know, as we know, higher education really opens up, like, a lot of economic opportunities. And so I was able to really, you know, really understand that through that community lens, and I was able to understand my experience better that you know, me sorry, I’m getting emotional.

JR: It’s totally fine.

HB: That me like, being isolated in school wasn’t as a personal failing that was, you know, I was able to really see myself and the, I guess in the, in the lives of, you know, the life stories, these very complex life stories that, you know, I had the privilege of, of witnessing, obviously, I come with a certain level of privilege, right. But then, you know, there are nuances to that privilege as well. But I was able to also like, understand, you know, my parents and understand my my family story in the context of like doing this community work and seeing that like that, you know, I wasn’t having a hard time, just because I was bad at school, and that I was, you know, not a good student, that it wasn’t a personal failing, but there was this bigger, you know, education system that was neglecting, you know, our students. And so. And like, a lot of that comes from that stereotypes that like, oh, well, Filipino students are just not, you know, meant to succeed in school, because look at the stats, right? And so, I think that assumption really enforces that neglect. But really, it’s the other way around, it’s like, you’re, you’re neglecting your students, which is why they’re not succeeding, and they’re not thriving, because the conditions, you’re making the conditions impossible, or very difficult for them to thrive. And so I think like that experience, also, and that goes back to kind of like the comment made by my English teacher to that, you know, he probably said that just because, you know, he thought that I couldn’t do anything else, but care for people. And I don’t know, like, look after people, which is a lot of work, but just I’m not, you know, like, I’m not, what’s it called, like, belittling that occupation, or like, I’m not, it’s not like I’m above caregiving is more, you put me in a box automatically. And I and for the longest time, I internalized that, and a lot of, I see that a lot of our kids also internalize that, you know, when they hear, you know, people they know, they know what people say about them. And they know that, you know, when they experienced firsthand how the education system fails them, and so they don’t try because they think, Okay, well, I’m not, like good enough for this, because they’re constantly hearing that are like, you know, one way or another, you know, their teachers, their educators are making them feel that way the system is making them feel that way. And so I think that experience at KAMP, like really radicalized me. And yeah, and so I volunteered for KAMP for about two years, I think. And then that is when I started actually, like researching and like learning more about, like, the key issues affecting Filipinos. And so that’s when I started, I don’t know, if you have, I’m sure you have questions …

JR: Just keep going, unless you want to take a break.

HB: Okay, yeah, I think this is a good segue. So that was in second year when I started volunteering for cap. And then second and third year is when I really started to really learn more about key issues affecting Filipinos. And that’s also when I met Teilhard Paradela, who is he has his PhD now, but he was my TA, in my second year of university. And he’s Filipino as well. And he was the first Filipino teacher I’ve ever had. So he was my TA. He was my instructor. For one of my history classes, I think it was like 20th century Germany or something. And he, you know, we got really, really close because we were also I thought to myself, Oh, he’s like, I’m not I’m not the only Filipino in my program anymore. There is actually Ty and actually one of the first things that he asked me when I was in his discussion, because discussion classes are really small. So we were all doing introductions after class, he actually pushed me he said, Oh, Hannah are you Filipino? I said yeah, and then we got to talking and then we found out that we had mutual friends and then see again, it was that the same familiar experience of being accepted without even having to justify myself. So I think it was going back to that experience that I had, like living with other Filipinos is that, you know, just saying, oh, yeah, I’m Filipino too and like having that I guess, like, common ground and feeling accepted without even having to, like, say or do anything else, like, I felt like I was going back to my childhood self of like being around, you know, like Filipinos again and, and like feeling connected to other people and and I think like Ty really saved me because I was not doing well in school, I was like a C student, which is not that bad, I wasn’t failing anything. But again, I was just like, I was not a stellar student at all I didn’t know how to write, I didn’t know how to, like, I didn’t know, I was just, I really was just trying to pass all my classes, I didn’t feel the need to excel. Because, again, I was just so demotivated, I didn’t, I felt really isolated. My family didn’t really understand me either. But then Ty, like, really invested his time in me. And I would often meet him for office hours just to debrief. But also he really taught me how to be a good historian. So it was he wasn’t just, you know, like a support mentor, but he really mentored me academically. And he was the first person to actually call me smart. Like, he was the first person to say, hey, you have really good ideas. You know, I know that you’re very intelligent, you’re very creative, you’re very smart. You know, we just have to kind of put those skills. Like, we just have to, you know, like, train you with those skills to to help you. We just have to, you know, train you with those technical skills to to help you put that into practice. I was like, oh okay, I’ve never been called smart before. So I worked with him, like for a semester. And then he really taught me how to write a good history paper. And I think in his class, I got my first A, my first A because he was I was, I was not like, I was actually looking back on my essays. But like before, before I had Ty’s, helping and I’m like, Oh, my god, what was I doing? And then, but yeah, it was, you know, it was, yeah, he really saved me. Like, I don’t think I can thank him enough, because he really saw something in me that I didn’t for the longest time. And he really invested in me and like, saw my potential and made me realize my potential. Yeah. Because, you know, we also express how difficult it was being, I’m sure, Ty also felt isolated in his own faculty and in his own department. And we also expressed, you know, having that, you know, having that experience of like isolation being one of like, the two students in history. And so yeah, I think it felt really nice to be understood. That was the first time I felt understood. You know, and so, it was really sad when afterwards, you know, I didn’t have any classes with him anymore. And he was also I think he went on a break for some time. And then, but yeah, we didn’t have any classes together. But I think that experience really stayed with me. So he really helped me, you know, equip myself with the skills to know how to be a good student. And then that’s when I’m like, I’m gonna be a good student. I’m gonna do it for myself. I’m also gonna do it for Ty. And that was also you know, during the time when I was, you know, learning more about and working more with the community. And so yeah, in my, and also, so the, the founders of KAMP are Rene Nicolas and Maureen. So they’re married. And I think Michael Infante too they were, sorry, Michael Infante is not married. Okay, so they’re all friends. So Mau, and Renee are married. And so they all used to be members of the Kababayan Association, which is the Filipino students association. So the FSA is a very social club. It’s so they wanted to branch out and come up with something like community led. So they made KAMP. And so Renee is a lawyer. So Renee is a lawyer. And I remember when I first met Renee, because my sister was like, oh, yeah, you want to go into law school. Like, you know, Renee is a lawyer, you should talk to him about it. It’s because I was so starstruck because I’m like, there’s a Filipino that’s a lawyer that went to UBC Law? Oh, my God, I’ve never heard of that. And so I remember talking to Renee and then I met him at like a, like a fundraising event for camp and then I talked to Renee and I talked about his experience, like he talked about his experience and how, and he just made it he made it he made me believe that law was actually attainable for me. You know, like, and that was the first time which is crazy to think about because, like Filipinos are like the third what third largest invisible minority in Canada or like in BC.

Okay, yeah. So Rene, you know, he really made me believe that, you know, going to law school was attainable for me. And which is, you know, it’s like, I just think it’s, it’s like crazy to think about that. Yeah, Filipinos are the third largest visible minority in BC, but it will. It wasn’t only It wasn’t until my third year when I met, actually met, I was personally connected with a Filipino lawyer. Right. And so yeah, he was, he has been such an important mentor, I think, for me for the last, you know, we met in 2016. And then he has really, really been like, a, he’s been a really great mentor for me all these years. So yeah, I think I was. So while I was volunteering for camp, you know, like, I work closely with Mau and Rene. And I think they could see that I was like, I took my role at KAMP very seriously. And I also, you know, was also, that’s when I started doing so my third year of UBC, I was involved with KAMP, And then I also that’s when I also started to really focus my coursework on Filipinos in Canada. So any with any opportunity I could to write about Filipinos in Canada, I took that opportunity. The good thing about history is that it’s very flexible. So yeah, my degree it’s a very flexible major. So you can really write about anything within you know, the bounds of whatever the criteria was, but I took a lot of yeah, Canadian history, but also, that’s also why I majored in GRSJ is because, or sorry, I mored in GRSJ, because there was a lot more opportunities to really, you know, do research about and like, learn more about my community. And so, after my third year, I think during the summer, Rene is a board member of MWC. So MWC is the Migrant Worker Center, it was formerly called the West Coast Domestic Workers Association. And they are a pro bono legal organization providing access to justice for migrant workers in Vancouver. So 90% of the clientele are Filipina domestic workers. And Rene is a board member, and he said, hey, we have like a summer position opening up, do you want to apply? So it’s like, okay, yeah, great. So because I was also looking for more experience, after KAMP, and I wanted, like, legal experience as well. So I applied. And I got the position. And so I worked at MWC for a summer. And that was also I think, like camp really opened up, you know, my perspective on kind of like the broader issues related to immigration related to caregiver pathways related to, you know, employment standards, things like that. It just really exposed me to kind of like the bigger systemic and also like legal infrastructures that were in place that really shaped like the unique challenges that Filipinos face. And so I worked there for a summer, I was able to work with the BCGEU, which was the union that Rene worked for. He was a laborer, but he’s a labor lawyer for the BCGEU, the BC Government Employees Union. And so I was able to work with some union organizers from that organization to deliver workshops on community organizing, or domestic workers because, again, their working conditions are making it really hard for them to engage in like civic participation. And so, you know, are we delivered community, like organizing workshops to using union I guess, what is it called union tactics to help them operationalize on their campaign objectives and to to put into, you know, equip them with a skills for self advocacy. So, yeah, that was that was a really eye opening experience for me as well. And so that’s kind of when I started to build my experience, like, you know, working with the Filipino community. So that was only for a summer. So I went back to school, and then that’s when I really really took like my research seriously. And that’s also when I met Dr. Christopher Patterson, who is a GRSJ prof and he’s his half Filipino, half American. And a lot of his research is also on like Filipino diasporic studies. And I think that was the I think that was like, that was the first time that I really learned about Filipinos in an academic setting, like, and so his classes were absolutely life changing. I mean, like, his classes were called Critical Race theories. And it was just like, I was able to kind of name all of the experiences that I had, like, as a Filipino woman. And I was able to kind of like, intellectualize my experiences. So things started to make sense for me again. They did it for the longest time. And so Chris also is a very, very important academic mentor. I had him for four classes. GRSJ, she has a very small department. And so a lot of times you take courses with the same profs. So I had four classes with Chris and so like, I really got to know his work well. And, yeah, I loved every minute of it. And he was just, you know, there was times when we would also like debrief and in his office just about, you know, our experience as like, Filipinos and in the institution, and it was just really nice, just to be, you know, to be understood, again, the same experience that I had with Ty, right. And then that’s when I started getting better at school. So like After Ty moving forward, that’s really when I started like, doing like excelling in school. Yeah, and then so so after MWC that was my last two, one.

Yeah, so Chris Patterson. Yeah. So that was during the time when I didn’t work as much with the community just because I really wanted to focus on doing well in school. And it was also I think that was COVID time. So it’s kind of hard to go out. And because it was 2020. So it’s kind of hard to go out and, like, do stuff with the community, just because there was a lot of restrictions and things like that. So I really only just focused on school. Yeah. And yeah, so that’s when I really started to take more GRSJ classes. And that’s when I started to learn and understand more deeply. more deeply, you know, what about like, racial theories, also, like feminist theories, too. And that really made me understand, you know, my experiences a lot better, and like the experiences of my community a lot better. And that was also the time so in my last year, I took a class with JP Catungal, Theories of Difference. Yeah, so what I like about JP’s classes is that they were very challenging in an empowering way. I think I felt like I was in a grad, like a graduate level class. But it was great, because you know, not to say that, you know, Chris didn’t challenge me, but I really felt Yeah, I did really enjoy JP’s classes, as well in, you know, learning about radical feminism. And I think that was also the class where I really understood how people have essentialized Filipinos in a certain way. So that was also the class that I explored, you know, how caregiver programs were also informed by the kinds of assumptions made about Filipina women. So again, going back to my English teacher, who said, he said that he couldn’t imagine me in occupations that don’t involve caring people again, that that that that must have had to come from somewhere. So I feel like that was in a way related to, you know, like, yeah, the essential, the essential is the essential, essential isms that I was also forced to unpack and JP’s classes.

Yeah, there’s a lot of, you know, assumptions about Asian women, Filipina women, I think, in particular, about, you know, how we’re naturally caring, how we’re naturally, you know, submissive, that we’re eager to serve people, which is why we go into caregiving. But so again, there’s all of these like, cultural kind of assumptions that are made by that are made, you know, about the, the Filipina body, and then that is why, you know, certain behaviors towards us might be justified. And, and that’s why, you know, we go into these kinds of occupations, just because because we’re naturally I guess, predisposed to care for people, that, again, putting us putting us in a box, right. And I think, you know, JP’s class has really made me challenge those, you know, challenge those conditions that are question those conditions that actually lead to lead, you know, Filipina women, to lead Filipina woman to have these patterned I guess like social movements, right? Because it What if she doesn’t, okay, for example, a lot going back to, you know, how the ways Filipinos immigrate to Canada, a lot of them go through these worker visas and worker programs, they have to meet certain legal conditions, they have to meet certain working conditions. But the thing about care work is that it’s very performative as well. And so, you know, I mean, when you’re a care worker, you have to perform in ways that are caring for people. There’s a lot of emotional, what’s called work in it. And so, so what if, what if Filipinos don’t show up? Like, what if Filipinos don’t show up in ways that are naturally caring to people? Would there be so many Filipinos in Canada? Because? or would there? You know, like, what are the consequences to not showing up in ways that people expect you to? And so, those were kind of like the questions that I really grappled with in JP’s classes. And, and that’s when I really started to understand that like, you know, like, what comes first the chicken or the egg? Do Filipinos act this way. Because, yes, it’s like, like Filipinos, I would argue that a lot of, you know, like, what, what is the what’s to what extent do Filipinos police themselves into acting a certain way, because, you know, their, their livability is determined by how well they can perform within these, I guess, cultural assumptions of like, are these assumptions of like care and being serviceable to people? Because if they don’t, I mean, really like, what, what? Really what is at stake is like, permanent status and citizenship, that’s their way to PR, that’s their way to security. And so, yeah, I think like, like all of that, you know, all of these courses that I took, and this academic mentorship that I gained from, from JP from, from Chris from Ty really made me understand my community better and made me understand, you know, what are the systemic conditions at play that really shape our life trajectories? Right? And like, how do we challenge those systems, and not really sure where I’m going with this, but, but I think like all of that, because I was able to understand, like, myself better I and I know that there are, academia doesn’t always has a lot of potential, but it doesn’t always meet that potential. I do acknowledge that. But yeah, I felt really empowered through, you know, these classes and through this mentorship, and ultimately, it’s what led me to finish strong in my studies, like, having that community support from, from Mau from Rene, from, you know, from, from all of my professors, from all of my Filipino professors at UBC, that’s ultimately what led me to excel in my studies, you know, having that, that mentorship, having that community support is what led me to finish strong and ultimately gain acceptance to law school, like, I never would have imagined that I really didn’t, because I, one way or another, people made me think that I couldn’t do it. And that, like, I had to look at something or, you know, that it wasn’t for me that it wasn’t attainable. But, you know, I had these people around me that were, that were also successful academically and successful in it in their careers. And that really became kind of like, I really aspire to be like them as well. And they made me feel like I was, you know, that I, that I could do it and that I that my goals were achievable. And ultimately, I did achieve those goals. And so, yeah, I think like, this whole experience has, you know, I never I never, you know, came here thinking, Yes, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, you know, be really involved with the Filipino community, like, I never really had, there’s a lot of it just, you know, it was through happenstance. Right. My sister happened to be a director at this volunteering opportunity years ago, and then that I think it KAMP really opened up all of those, you know, all of those connections and all of those opportunities for me to to learn more about myself and to learn more about the community. And yeah, and so after graduating, I worked at Collingwood. So because when I worked at MWC, a lot of the a lot of the caregivers that I work with actually lived in Joyce Collingwood, or they frequented Joyce Collingwood, which is an area in Vancouver that houses a lot of Filipino residents, because it used to be a more affordable part of Vancouver, but now it’s slowly being gentrified, and a lot of the residents are being pushed out of the neighborhood because of high rents, but anyway. So yeah, I was looking for a job after university and so I happen to stumble upon a job posting a job vacancy on the Collingwood neighbourhood houses website. So Collingwood neighbourhood house is the Community Cente is a community center that enjoys Collingwood. And they deliver all sorts of different services programs, like for people in the community. And so there was a position called a settlement worker that opened up and a lot of what they were looking for also it fit with my experience. So I said, Okay, why not just try it out. And they were also looking for somebody Tagalog speaking so. And I speak Tagalog as well. And so I thought, Okay, why don’t I just apply for it, because I was already familiar with the neighborhood. And they, they were looking for somebody who is familiar with, you know, issues. Issues and who was knowledgeable about, you know, issues in the Filipino community. So I applied for it. And I ended up getting the job. And that’s when I worked there for about two years. And that’s where I really saw because it was full time and it was, it was full time, I was I really saw the diversity of, of the, of like, life experiences and, and I really saw. Yeah, I think that, that experience really opened up, really broadened my perspective on you know, issues pertinent to the Filipino community. And I was, I think, that also really forced me to kind of humble myself, because I think I was really arrogant and thought, oh, yeah, I know everything about, like, I know, all the issues having the Filipino view or whatever. And then as soon as I, yeah, cuz like my settlement job was very front facing. So a lot of it was one on one work, I’d have somebody coming in totally, totally, like just totally catching me off, like totally just like, obliterating everything that I knew, I thought I knew about the Filipino community, because they come with such unique experiences. And like, a lot of it is a lot of the a lot of the people that I served had very, very, like multiple challenges that were overlapping. And so I worked with a lot of Filipino families. I did a lot of anti poverty work. So a lot of the pretty much 90% of the of the, I work with a lot of Filipinos, mostly probably, maybe like 70 to 80% of the people that I saw, were Filipinos. And, you know, a lot of them were low income. And so I work to help combat that and help them you know, gain some economic instability through through different means, right. So through, if I could help them, maybe edit the resumes, so that they have a better chance of getting an interview, that’s a pro service that are provided or applying for income assistance, or helping them get funding for like education or training programs so that they can elevate their, you know, professional credentials, things like that, I would just do. And I also worked with a lot of my clients were also Filipino care workers as well. You know, reporting things to Employment Standards, you know, renewing their visas, things like that. So the through that work, I think I was also able to kind of navigate like Canadian systems better. And yeah, that was a very rewarding job. I just resigned two days ago. Because I’ll be starting my JD program in September. And it was really sad because I was there for the last two years and and that was another thing too, is that that I’m thinking about is, you know, being being Filipina in law, that is going to be a totally different ballgame. And and I don’t know I just like I, I feel like I don’t know how I’m going to navigate that space, especially considering historically because law is a very conservative profession. You know, the, the law has also used to enforce inequality and, and racism and so I don’t know how to navigate that, but but I also know that I think I’m able to help a lot more people. And yeah, I am not really sure how how I have, I’m not really sure how we’re gonna navigate that space. But yeah, going back to you know, my position at Collingwood, yeah, it was a very, it was very rewarding experience and gratifying experience. And I think that there’s a lot of power and responsibility in like, witnessing, you know, in witnessing it there’s a lot of power and responsibility in bearing witness to people’s suffering. And, yeah, I’m always like, I’m just never gonna be okay with that, like, I’m never gonna be okay with, you know, seeing and it was just every day to write it was also a lot of work trying to keep your clients calm when they’re, you know, at the brink of homelessness, or, like, they don’t know, when the next paycheck is going to come in. And that was like, an everyday thing, or I’m trying to, you know, help these people solve their their life problems or their their life issues, right. I do recognize that, like, you know, the, the work was also very that’s what I also because this job was full time, I think it really got to me too, emotionally, because that’s when I realized that that, you know, like, we bear the responsibility of uplifting other people in our community, and it was just a lot for me to kind of, like work with because like, a lot of the times you’re, you’re also taking that work home with you. It’s not worth that you leave. It’s like you’re thinking about, you know, somebody that you’re still thinking about, like the 80 year old lady who can’t find a house, like you’re, you’re trying to think of solutions, even on the ride home, like things like that on the drive home, you’re still trying to come up with solutions. And that’s when I really learned that. Yeah, a lot of the times it’s the people in your community that are like they like we are bearing the responsibility of helping others in our community, you know, like, navigate these very, very oppressive systems.

JR: To wrap up the interview, and honestly, you are going exactly where I need you to so no worries. But you talked a little bit about like through KAMP and through different, like, groups that you’re a part of at UBC about what it’s like to be a Filipino Canadian in Greater Vancouver and like, where you found like, like community spaces. And also like, you know, the things that affect, like, who gets access to community, the systemic factors, like how you can also benefit, but I’m curious, like, overall and talking about like your entire story from, you know, settling in Vancouver, going through high school, university and like your community work, like, what places do you consider to be home in Vancouver? And why those places and if there are no places at all, like even sharing about why you may feel that way?

HB: Um, well, obviously, like Richmond is home. Because I mean, like, I’ve lived there, basically, all my life. That’s where my family is. But I, I’ve started to kind of, I’ve started to kind of question that as well, because my, my parents have moved away to the US. And then my siblings have also moved away from home, or have moved out of the our family house. So they have their own places. So I basically go home alone. So that’s also why to that is what kind of pushed me to leave BC and to pursue law school, out of province, just because just because I just felt like I needed something new. And I wanted to experience life and community outside of BC. That’s not to say I’ve maximized you know, my my experience here. But I definitely think that that I think I needed a new change. Yeah, so Richmond, yeah, it’s always going to be home to me, I’m always you know, like, and that’s another thing too, is that a lot of my friends are also moving outside of BC or they’re pursuing their own, you know, goals, and they’re pursuing their own lives. Some of them are starting families, some of them are pursuing more school, some of them are moving outside for outside of BC for work. And so like, that also kind of made me want to jump on the bandwagon and be like, Okay, I want I want that for me, too. So, yeah and what else is there? Or is home? Um.

JR: There doesn’t have to be multiple places. It could be whatever.

HB: It could be whatever. Okay, whatever I feel. I mean, I feel like home really, for me is like the people, I think I’m always going to, you know, go back to. Yeah, I think like, I’m always going to go back to that feeling of not having to, like, not having to prove myself to anybody. Because I feel like, that’s gonna happen once I’m in law school. And once I’m actually in the profession. I mean, especially because I know that the standards for for, you know, women of color are a lot higher. And so, I don’t know how I’m going to deal with the reality that I would probably have to work harder. And, you know, say all of the right things and, and just to get a fraction of, you know, what, what people what white people have, and that scares me. That really scares me because, you know, I’m, yeah, and but at the same time, I also know that, you know, this has been a goal that I’ve been working towards for a long time, and I want to make it happen.

But yeah, I think what I’m going to miss is the support system. You know, I don’t I can’t really tie home to a place but I really think it’s the people. There have just again, like the mentorship that I’ve gotten from all of the Filipino professors at UBC, you know, from, from Ty from, you know, my, from no matter if my, even if my family doesn’t understand me, they, they’re still supportive in their own way. Also, you know, the friends that have believed in me. So, yeah, I think that it’s gonna be really hard to kind of do you know, be away from the support system that I’ve to be away from my roots and to be away from, you know, the support system that I’ve cultivated here and but I also learned that, you know, like, I was able to I was able to find community here and I think that I’m better equipped to to find community when I’m, whether I’m in Halifax, whether I’m wherever, right I think I’m able to, I’m better able to understand myself and I’m better able to manage myself and I have those skills to yeah, to find people that are going to be worth my time like, yeah, so yeah, I can’t really, I can’t really tie home to a place.

I mean, even like, even in Richmond, right, like, I lived there for so long. But a lot of the community that I found was in Vancouver, or was outside of Richmond. And so yeah, I think if I’m able to do to branch out and find, you know, my people here, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to find that, like, you know, once I’m in law school? So, yeah, I don’t know if that answers your question.

JR: No, it does. You mentioned like, you know, mostly like that your communities in Vancouver, are there, are there like specific places or spaces like you’d like? I’m assuming, partially, maybe UBC, as you mentioned.

HB: Yeah, so UBC is was a big one. But I think it like wasn’t, maybe it wasn’t the place, but I guess the sharing that collective experience of being Filipino in this place, and whether that be being Filipino in UBC, you know, being Filipino in Richmond, right? I guess going back to my experience growing up with other Filipino kids in Colonial Drive, like, it wasn’t so much Colonial Drive that really united as it was, oh, we were all Filipino newcomers at the same time living in this place. And that that is a very also specific experience. But I think it was the specificity of that, like, you know, like being Filipino in academia, like that is also a very, you know, distinct, very specifically unique experience. I think, sharing those, like, the place doesn’t matter, I think it’s more of, or the place matters less, I think we were, I was able to find home in other people that share the same kind of experiences as me. And again, people that, you know, where I don’t have to prove myself, I just show up, and they make me feel like I’m worthy. Because they also know what it’s feels like to be isolated and to not feel good enough. And so yeah, whether that be at UBC, whether that be a Colonial Drive, whether that be at Richmond High like I think, yeah, I’m able to find home in, you know, the, I’m able to find home and other people that that just understand, like my experience, and that, you know, that that also have the same. Yeah, just like they have, they go through the same things as me and yeah, so I guess like, the place matters less, it’s just more about what what we’re, like, I guess, collective suffering. Like collective suffering is what I’m trying to go with. But also collective joys. Right. You know, I’ve seen also, for example, like you and I, Jocelle, like, we were also able to relate on like, and we were also able to relate on our experience with applying for post grad and applying for graduate school. And so yeah, just like things, things like that were things like that, that I think that was really, really, really reassuring and that made me understand that like your home is not really about the place, but I think what you make out of it, and you know who the people are. So yeah.

JR: So what does joy? What is collective joy look like when you’re thinking about Filipino spaces in Vancouver?

HB: Right? Um I mean, okay, I guess if I can illustrate the example like when you and I both got into the programs that we wanted, right when, when you got into U of T, and then I, I didn’t get into my dream school, but I got into a school. So things like that where you see things work out for other Filipinos in your community. You know, I think that despite the yeah, I think this despite the suffering, and I think despite the hardships I love seeing how I love seeing the success of other Filipinos and success looks different for everybody, right? For example, when I was working in KAMP, or when I was working as a mentor for KAMP, so many of our students pursued post secondary education. And that was, you know, a joy that we also shared is because I also saw myself and them to, like, getting into their dream schools getting into post, like secondary and succeeding, and in their lives, and, you know, succeeding in their goals. That was also like, those were moments of joy that I, that I think of, you know, when I’m thinking of collective, I guess, happiness and and so, yeah, I think and, like a lot of, you know, my success is not, is not isolated from again, like that community and from that mentorship, like I don’t think, I don’t believe in meritocracy. Like that, you know, pull up your bootstraps mentality, like you, I am, there’s no way that I could have, you know, done what I’ve done without, you know, the help of my parents without the support of my, without the support of my community without the support of my family, my siblings, my friends, because a lot because for a long time, I didn’t believe that I could do it, it was other people that made me believe that I could achieve my goals, right. And so I mean, you know, some of our KAMP students might end up going back to KAMP, you know, some of my students might not have pursued school, but then, you know, they pursued like, work too that they find very fulfilling. You know, there are also other joys is like, when I was working at a, when I was working at Collingwood neighbourhood house, just seeing kids reunited with their parents, things like that kids being reunited with their parents, not being able to, you know, they’d always be like, I can’t believe I don’t have a screen between us anymore, like because they’d always just, you know, like they finally get to see their parents in the flesh and their children in the flesh, their family members in the flesh. So those are also joys that those are also collective joys that I think about and what else is there? Yeah, I think it’s also staying, you know, like, despite the suffering, and I think the, despite all of the, the hardships you know, like that, like, I just love seeing how, like things work out for other Filipinos, especially when, you know, like, you’ve come to know their stories and when you’ve come to know the complexities of their lives and, and how hard they’ve been working and how hard they’ve been. You know, like, how much they’ve had to sacrifice to and then when things work out for them in the end like I had, I was helping a caregiver when I was looking at when I was working at Collingwood neighbourhood house was helping a caregiver who waited I think like two years for her. So she’s been separated from her child from her family from I think about maybe like around five years, she so she was working here. And then she applied for PR waited two years to get her PR approved. And then just before I left, she said that she was able to get the confirmation of PRs for her for her family for her daughter and for her husband, and I think that was like a really, like, nice gift. I think for me too. And, and, you know, how they share their joys with me. And so yeah, I think that those are something to look forward to, and to, to keep us motivated. And that that is the type of those are the type of stories that I think make me motivated to do this kind of work and to keep doing this work. Eventually when I become a lawyer is to, you know, help families and to help people, you know, find their joy. And, yeah, I’m not sure if that answers your question, but yeah, no, I just, I just love seeing how, you know, things work out. And again, I never expect any kind of recognition or acknowledgement for the work that I do, but I think if I can, it’s also like, it makes me happy to see other Filipinos thrive. And other Filipinos, you know, get out of the dark place that that I see them in and so so, yeah, I’m, I’m hoping that I have more experiences like that, too. That, you know, my it’s because also, like, my success is predicated on, you know, like the rest of my people being gatekept. So, I want to work as much as I can to make sure that you know, other people, other people in my community are are taken care of and, and because it’s not enough for me to just be successful on my own. I want I also want that for for other Filipinos as well. So yeah, yeah. Thank you.