Defining Home
For many, but for migrants especially, home is a tricky and slippery concept. What does home mean when one has arrived here from elsewhere, when one might have multiple homes, or feel like one does not have a proper home? What does it mean to make a home on someone else’s homelands? What does it mean to feel ‘at home’ here? What does making a home here entail?
Home is often tied to a sense of belonging and to feelings of ease and comfort. As several of our storytellers attest, for racialized communities in Canada, including Filipinxs, feeling ‘at home’ is challenged by the reality of everyday and structural forms of discrimination. Racism and class inequalities, along with intersectional experiences of gender and sexuality, are just some of the issues that make feeling at home difficult. Moreover, for migrant and mobile communities, home can be found across multiple locations and sometimes in the reality of feeling ‘in between’ homes.
In the vignettes below, our storytellers share their experiences of feeling or not feeling ‘at home’ and the difficulty of pinning down exactly where home is and what home looks like. At the same time, they also showcase their agentive capacity to define home for themselves in the face of these challenges and difficulties. Through the ways that they craft relations of support, warmth, love and family with others, across distances and sometimes outside of normative ideas of home, our storytellers showcase the ways that Filipinxs in Canada make home in their own creative ways.
“My feelings of homesickness are not a longing for my hometown, but for a particular moment in time, because place does change.”
Claire Baguio: Okay, so we’re almost at the end. And I just wanted to ask about home and homemaking. So, how do you define home? And are there any specific places here in like, Vancouver or Canada that make you feel at home?
Darla Tomeldan: What do you mean by homemaking?
CB: Yeah, so homemaking is like the idea of like…not every place you move to and live in feels like home. So how do you make a home? And I guess it’s a bit open ended in the sense that you can define what that is for you. And what that what that looks like for you, as well.
DT: Cause part of your question was “what emotions do you associate with home?” Maybe we could start with that.
CB: Yeah, let’s do that. What are the questions?
DT: Yeah, I came up with a sense of belonging, comfort and familiarity. Home to me used to be my, my hometown, there are times where I would feel homesick. But now, I’m beginning to understand that my feelings of homesickness are not a longing for my hometown, but for a particular moment in time, because place does change. Longing for a particular period of time. But now…I hope this doesn’t sound cliche, but considering all the challenges and successes we’ve shared, Cecilia has become my home, my sanctuary, where I feel safe. So, it doesn’t matter whether we’re in Canada, whether we’re in Philippines, or wherever we decide to retire. That would be Cecilia.
Cecilia Tumolva: Bigla naman akong na-touch doon. How am I gonna top this?
CB: How are you gonna…No, it’s not a cliche, I’m literally like, this is so cute.
CT: Is it my turn?
DT: It’s your turn.
CT: Okay…
DT: You could say ditto.
CT: So how would you define home for me. Home is a place, space where you’re most comfortable to be who you are. And that also means being with people who accept you for who you are. So that adds really to the idea of home and the feeling of home. And also, being with people who speak my language. And my mother is Illocano, and my father is Ibanag. And so, it’s not just Tagalog. So, every time I hear people speaking, although I cannot speak fluently Illocano or Ibanag, I can understand it. It really adds to the fact that “oh my goodness, I am home.” Even though I am not in the Philippines, I am hearing the same languages that I grew up with gives me a real sense of home. And the karaoke.
“Water is the connection to home.”
Claire Baguio: How do you define home?
Josh Rasalan: I think it’s really that connection with people, to people, to spaces. I guess like I’m reflecting on, when I traveled to Europe, right? Last year, I was able to go to a couple of countries in Europe, which was like Sweden, Denmark, Netherlands, Belgium, Czech Republic, to all of these countries, like obviously, like very European, but I was still trying to find Filipinos, right? “Oh, there’s a Filipino restaurant here. Let’s go eat there!” I was solo traveling, but I was like, “hey, let’s go eat here” with my friend. “I want to introduce you to Filipino food.” Or like seeing a Filipino store, down the street, unexpectedly, getting so excited, going in there. Or even like, being in Sweden in the mall, I like hearing a couple of Filipinos talk in Tagalog. And then being like so excited, right? And it was like, very fleeting moments of just like just seeing other Filipinos. That’s where I felt a sense of home in a very non-home place. In a very foreign place. Where I was like, I’m so disconnected. Like, I have no relationship like…like, Europe is such an alien place for me that it felt very uncomfortable. But being able to just see a Filipino restaurant, a Filipino store, or hearing Filipinos talk in Filipino. That gave me a sense of grounding and like a return back to home. And I remember going to…in Sweden, I went to like this waterfront, to this beach with my friend. And I was staring out into the water. And I was like, felt overwhelmed by emotions. I’m feeling like “wow, like who would have thought that I would be here in Europe?” Far away from home, be it from the Philippines, be it from here in Vancouver or BC. But what’s connecting me to home is through the water. And so, like thinking about how like Philippines, like 7000 plus islands are connected by waters. And understanding how water is the connection to home. Just being able to see the water, to touch the water I instantly felt connected to home. And so, back in, maybe that was like May, I also went to Korea, right? Like in Asia, closer to the Philippines right? And I remember going to Yeosu, which is like one of the southernest most, southern most point of Korea. We went to the water, to the vast blue sea. And I instantly felt the connection of liike “how I’m like this close to the Philippines.” The connection to the water knowing that just down this water is the Philippines. But there’s also that sense of homesickness. “Oh I’m here in Asia and I’m so close to the Philippines, but I’m not able to go back.” Yeah…and so, whether I’m here at home, BC or home in the Philippines, I’ve always tried to find home, taking meaning of it through water, through other Filipino spaces.
“Once I feel like, like it’s permanent permanent then yeah, that would that would like really help with like, feeling more at home.”
Jocelle Refol: Do you have like any like specific areas in Joyce like what are like places that really remind you of like, the Philippines or home?
Niña Labuguen: Wait, Joyce and Fraser St. Yeah. It’s basically the church and then outside of it. Like like at Joyce station, the St. Mary’s Church. And then outside of it is like the the Filipino kulinaryas areas like the canteens. Because it seems like it’s like [Turo Turo?]. So it’s like I’m like (head nod), and then at Fraser, it’s cuz so a lot of like, like, Philippine like, I would just walk there. Like, I think Fraser and 49th. And then it’s like, there’s some stores there that would sell like, halo halo or like other stuff. But yeah, it was it’s basically that.”
JR: Do you frequent those areas often or only on occasion?
NL: I don’t anymore. I used to every time I used to go to church, but I kind of stopped because of school. And it’s getting tough out there. But um, yeah, but I’ve stopped, I only go there when I’m like craving for Filipino food. But it kind of changed now for me, because I’m missing. I’m missing like Mexican culture severely.”
NL: “Yeah cuz like, I don’t really have like, I’ve been moving. And it’s not really like a permanent house. Like, probably like, something closely related to that would be like my boyfriend’s house. But at the same time, that doesn’t feel like as much of a home for me. It’s just basically house. But at the same time, that doesn’t feel like as much of a home for me. It’s just basically like, where I currently live. That’s, that’s what I feel like at home.
JR: Are there like to like, you don’t really consider like your current place of residence as home. But yeah, do you think like, specifically Vancouver doesn’t feel homey to you?
NL: No, no, it’s like, it feels familiar. Right? But nothing like, home. Like I know, I know, every time I go to the airport, and I just like land here like after going to Philippines and land here. It just feels like Well, I’m back home. It’s like, it’s it’s that.
JR: That’s interesting, because earlier, like you mentioned about like, people that you’re with that helps that home feeling but in Vancouver, would you say that like even with the people like it still doesn’t feel quite homey?
NL: Cuz because it’s like, yeah, sure. It’s like it’s the people but at the same time, it’s like, if the place doesn’t feel like homey, despite the people that I’m with, it’s like, yeah, yeah, because I don’t really have a permanent home.
Like, if I were to have like a permanent residence here. Like, I know, for sure. It’s like, I’m not paying rent. Like, I don’t mind paying rent, but it’s like, as long as like, I know for sure that we’ll be living here. Like, I don’t have like a year’s lease. Like, once I feel like, like it’s permanent permanent then yeah, that would that would like really help with like, feeling more at home, but I feel, I don’t know. It’s like, yeah, I’ve going around circles, but it does feel like, like at home, but not really like, there’s no place that feels like at home. Even though regardless of like the people I’m with, even though they made me feel like at home. The place that I’m with them, like the place where I am with them, it’s just doesn’t feel like at home.”